There once were four creatures who went looking for food. These creatures were Sasquatch, El Chupacabra, Tazzy Tiger, and Yeti. They were lost in the woods for days and days with nothing to eat. But one day they saw a fire in the distance, so they followed it for several hours. Once they reached the fire they saw what to them was a mythological creature a human man. This man had what they wanted, Jack Link's Beef Jerky. This was not just one bag of jerky, it was a pallet stacked 20 feet high with cases and cases of jerky (of all sorts of flavors). The creatures did not know how to go about splitting the jerky, so they sat there and pondered for a while (the man was long gone by now).
Sasquatch was the first to speak, he said, "First we must build these cases into a shelter, as I think it might rain."
So the other creatures helped organize the cases into a shelter with four rooms (one for each of them they thought), while Sasquatch told them what the shelter should look like.
Once finished, Tazzy Tiger asked, "Now what?"
Sasquatch responded, "The largest room is mine as I am the biggest. The next largest is also mine as I will need a place to eat my beef jerky. The third largest is mine as I helped design the shelter. The fourth, well I would not dare enter if I were you."
This left the remaining creatures feeling empty (like their stomachs) and they were angry at Sasquatch.
"Aaaaaargh", muttered the Yeti in anger as he walked away with the other creatures to find more food.
Sasquatch lived the rest of his days guarding his shelter and beef jerky with his life. Many other creatures would challenge him, but he always prevailed. Eventually, he would die of old age - lonely but with a full stomach.
(Sasquatch: Image by Bernell MacDonald from Pixabay)
Sasquatch once fell in love with a young college student. Seeing as she had not yet finished school and that this creature was Sasquatch - her parents did not know what to think. They told her that first she must finish her studies and then she could consider marrying Sasquatch.
Well, what most people do not know about Sasquatch is that he is actually extremely smart (he just likes to play dumb). So the young college student added several credit hours to her semesters and Sasquatch tutored her and she finished in one year what should have taken two.
Once she was done with school, Sasquatch went to her parents and asked for their blessing. Her father told him that in order to marry his daughter, Sasquatch must shave. So Sasquatch went to the barber and shaved (everything). It was an ugly sight, but the young college student loved him the same and they were married.
Love can tame the wildest.
*Author's Note: The stories above were adapted from "The Lion's Share" and "The Lion in Love" from Fable's of Aesop. The Lion in these stories was replaced by the mythological(?) creature Sasquatch and the setting of the stories were slightly modernized. I also had a happier ending for "Sasquatch in Love" than the original story.
Bibliography. "The Lion's Share" and "The Lion in Love" from Fable's of Aesop by Joseph Jacobs. Web Source.
Hi Ryan!
ReplyDeleteThis is the Yeti from your story "Sasquatch's Share." I will start off with the good news: I really liked the creativity of this retelling. It is humorous to imagine the other creatures and me finding a giant store of beef jerky, but I do wonder why that single human man had such a large amount of beef jerky out in the wilderness. Maybe he was doomsday-prepping, or maybe he had a big group of friends somewhere else in the woods. However, I have some beef with you too! Why did Sasquatch get the biggest share when I am likely the same size (or bigger) than he is? I am the giant Yeti, and I think I deserve some respect against simply "Bigfoot." Sasquatch is just supposed to be the size of a large, hairy human, but I am supposed to tower over all humans and animals. I would offer the suggestion to either change the creatures in the story to be ones that are clearly smaller than Sasquatch, or to rewrite with me, the Yeti, as the one with the largest share! That being said, I realize I may be biased, and I did find your story amusing.
Hey Ryan!
ReplyDeleteI half-expected this story to be serious or even sad, since Sasquatch is often depicted as this Frankenstein's monster/creature. I was not disappointed when it turned into the most hilarious thing I have ever read. I think what got me was the beef jerky. I wasn't expecting it at all, and the suddenness of it hit all the right notes. I also love how you didn't take yourself serious and kept the story style simple. I can see someone literally reading this to their kid as a bed time story and the kid can't go to sleep because they are laughing too hard.
Hi Ryan,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed the unexpected turns of the story and how you didn't take the easy way out, I also enjoyed the combination of stories into one. I enjoyed the change of appearance of characters because it was something that was unexpected and made me really think about what I was reading. This was very enjoyable, I didn't have a whole lot of suggestions.